i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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