He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
