if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
