my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
