You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
