I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
