Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
