Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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