im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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