Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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