yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
