So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
