I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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