dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
