My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
