Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
