She is in my trunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
