Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
