he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
