Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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