His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
