y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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