Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
