my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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