I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
