i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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