Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
