My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
