i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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