Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize