It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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