who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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