Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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