Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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