i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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