Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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