I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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