We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
