ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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