I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
