i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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