That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
