Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize