I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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