Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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