there's paper in my vomit.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
