it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
