You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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