No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
