i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
