what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
time to smoke my breakfast
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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