you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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