Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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