DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
