I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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