I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
