he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
false alarm, still single
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
