pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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