I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
