I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize