Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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