she told me i tasted like america
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
