im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
