Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
