This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
