Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
