also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
