She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it penis luge time yet?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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