Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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