My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize