Im at strip club and am horny
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
