And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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