Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
