Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
