i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
