Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
