You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
