how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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