I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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