Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
