So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
